It wasn’t an easy journey to healing to begin with. I fell a number of times before I exclaimed, “I finally made it!“
It has been such a journey of finding myself after I’ve lost it when someone broke my heart and destroyed our dreams. It wasn’t an easy ride. I’d be a liar if I will say it was an up and down journey when most of the times it was a downhill battle.
I wanted to be alone yet I wanted an embrace, a comfort. I wanted to cry out all the pain, yet I also wanted to cheer up. I wanted to forget, but I also wanted a proper closure. I wanted to hear all the reasons why I wasn’t enough, why he chose to throw away our plans and just leave me alone.
I didn’t find the answers to all my queries and it made my heart drown in so much pain and sadness.
I tried to stand up from where I fell down. I found new friends and thought the drunken nights will save me from the pain I usually feel when I am all by myself.
I had numbers of flings with men I do not know. I had made a lot of mistakes and traded myself for a temporary happiness I thought would save me from the overflowing tears.
After all the pain I caused to myself, I’ve finally decided to let go of of whats dragging me down. I gave up alcohol, blocked all the men who looked down on me and I started to restore myself. I surrender to the Lord in my prayer.
I started to change my behavior. From being too noisy to preserve. I changed my way of clothing. I’ve stopped some mannerisms such as hair flipping and flirty eye gestures. I had fun doing it. It was really an effort to remind myself to act like a lady and not like a kid. I decided to no longer seek attention and not to force myself to fit in. I accepted some facts that bar hopping is not and should not be my thing. I decided to love myself and respect myself so others will give me the same respect.
As I was having a great time loving myself, the past tried to haunt me but I managed to not allow it destroy what I was trying build- my self. I have understand that I deserve more than a man who will not give me peace because of the fact that he once cheated. I had bigger respect to myself that I stopped chasing someone who doesn’t deserve my time, attention and love. I had bigger love for myself that I don’t want to see myself so much in pain and drowning in a raging waves of sadness. All those were behind me and that’s where they deserve to be, just behind me.
I continued to walk forward and made myself better than before. It was an amazing journey of building myself together. Putting all the pieces back. I watched all the lessons of my dark past with a smile for surely they thought me a lot.
Three years after a broken heart, I can finally say thank you, Lord for being close to the broken heart and for hearing my unsaid prayers and my cries. Thank you, Lord, for without your love I will not be able to build myself back. It was all the Lord’s grace and mercy that I am healed and survived the typhoon. Three years and now I am grateful and joyful for the gift of the broken road. Finding the love of the Lord will help you find yourself.
BlessedThickChic 